Recently (in the last week), I have delivered to two people who DIDN’T know their address. Really, truly.
First place:
She said her address was something it wasn’t. She INSISTED it was right. She is lucky that I found it truly by accident, based upon the description she gave.
I gave her the pizza, and she didn’t tip. After, I had gone to all that trouble to find a non-existent address!! So, I was a little rude when I let her know that she didn’t know her real address. I let her know exactly what her address was.
Second place:
These guys were actually really nice, and you could tell that they had JUST moved in… so, while it was still inconvenient, I could have more sympathy.
Anyways, they told me their address was on a road that it actually wasn’t on. I don’t know how they could think this, when you CLEARLY turn down a road with a different name to get to their house. But, they told me they had a piece of mail with the other address on it. Weird.
Things that random people say
It’s funny because people always think they are being clever and unique when they say things to me… but I can almost always guess what they are going to say. Generally, they say one of three things. (which are basically all the same thing)
1) “Hey, is that pizza for me??? ” NO.
2) “Can I have just one piece of that pizza?” again, no. and you are wierd.
3) “Do you have any pizza in there for me?” No, dumbass. You didn’t order any.
And these people always think they are being HILARIOUS!!! I can just see it on their faces, they are trying so hard not to crack up. And, I have heard it SO many times, I can’t even pretend to crack a smile anymore.
Hey people, if you are going to harass the delivery driver… please, try to be original!
The dreaded feeling when….
I know all drivers know what I’m talking about. You look at an address with decent hope/promise for a tip…driving along your merry way… then you get to the house. BAM! it hits you like a ton of bricks. You have been to this house before. They have NEVER tipped. efffffff!!
This happened to me just the other night… I was all excited to take this delivery because it was in a little more decent neighborhood (relatively)… it was also fairly close to the shop. Then, I pulled up and I realized the awful truth. I would have been better off taking the delivery that was further away in a “worse” neighborhood. (the driver that took that delivery got a $5 tip, surprisingly)
moral of the story: dont judge a delivery by the address (unless you know the address to be non-tippers or good-tippers 
The Definition of Irony.
Deliver Pizza to a Christmas Charity Gala (very fancy)- get no tip.
WTF!!!
Three bad pick-up lines in one night?
Man, how did I get so lucky?
not.
Pick up line #1: “If I followed you home, would you keep me?” NO.
and honestly, who says that? you sound like a freaking creep.
Pick up line #2: “Hey, you dropped something.” Me: *looking back* “Oh, I did??” “Yeah, your smile.”
Ummm… okay. Whatever the crap that is supposed to mean. Wipe your goofy grin off your face.
Pick up line #3: “Thanks lil’ mami, does your number come with the box? *wink*” Me: “NO, definitely not.”
hey dude, im not your “lil mami” and why the hell would you try to hit on me when you are a POS grown man that had your mom call in and pay for you… also you were rude enough to not tip. AND then you hit on me? hahahaha. ridiculous.
Bunch of creepers that night, I tell you what. At least I got a good laugh out of it. LOL!
Random Stuff
#1 - A new business came into town, they have parties for kids and stuff. They order pizzas from us and they NEVER EVER tip. All of us delivery drivers pretty much hate them now. I mean, I know they are trying to run a business and all, but when you are getting 80 slices of pizza, just raise the price on each slice by a nickel and then pay your delivery driver a few bucks. Come on!
#2 - To the smoking prego lady: Sorry that I don’t really feel sorry for your pregnancy ailments, you are smoking in my face. Nope, I don’t feel sorry for you one bit… I only feel sorry for your baby.
#3 – Thank you to the random dude that gave me a $9 tip tonight, that was awesome!
#4 - People are so wierd on the phone sometimes. We get pre-teens calling in prank calls (which I don’t understand why that is funny, you don’t even get any pizza out of it). And today, there was some kid who was going through some hard core voice changes. I could hardly understand him, his voice pitch was ALL OVER the place! I thought maybe he was faking it.
#5 - Who in their right mind lets their young teenage son (like 14) wear a shirt that says “I like VAGINAS!! Wheeee!” ?? Really? I was really wondering if this kid had parents at all.
I delivered to the She-dude again!
This time He/she tipped! BUTTTTT, he pulled the tip out of his fake cleavage – eww!! hahaha. He said he could afford to tip because he was “working” tonight. OMG!! *plugs ears* lalalalalalala!! I DONT WANT TO KNOW!!!
Now, let me tell you something… he was wearing a TIGHT little mini dress in zebra print. It was too short for comfort. I was worried I might catch a glimpse of something. And he was wearing a bra!!! to make it seem like there was something there.. LMAO!!!
I should probably feel bad about this since He/she was being all nice to me and telling me how beautiful my face was….. but, I don’t. He’s a creeper…. and he only tipped $2. If a tip is coming out of your fake cleavage, at least make it $5. Just saying.
First time for everything.
Last night I took a delivery to a man….. that was dressed as a woman. It’s not that I necessarily have a problem with it, but I mean, if you are going to dress as a different gender… at least do a good job of it. This dude looked horrible. He did like a half-assed job of dressing like a woman. lol!
Jean cut offs, a wierd floral button-up top (probably from the 90′s), and blue painted fingernails. His body hair and hair on his head were very unkempt. He did not make for a very good looking woman ( or man).
AND to top it all of, he didn’t tip!!
That was a low blow, she-dude, very low indeed.
That light fixture sure is gleaming, sir.
it was older and uglier than this one.
Sometimes I deliver to people that are very noticeably high on drugs. This dude was scrubbing this light fixture the whole time and pacing around. He kept telling me “I’m gonna get this sparkling clean… it’s gonna look so great.”
He was so bipolar. He would turn around and start screaming at his woman or kid all sorts of expletives and then turn around and say something really nice to me.
Oh, right! I am supposed to pretend that you didn’t just tear your wife/gf a new one. Okay. Wow, you are nice dude. That light fixture is certainly looking great. I bet your family is so proud.
Enjoy your pizza, douchebag.
Your “Thank You’s” are falling on deaf ears.
Are you familiar with the saying “Actions speak louder than words.” ? or, “Your actions are speaking so loud that I can’t hear a word you are saying.”
This is how I feel when people DON’T tip me, but then profusely thank me. I’m sorry. What?? I didn’t hear any of that. My ears are still ringing from the slap you gave me when you didn’t tip. Do you honestly think that telling me “thank you” makes up for a tip? No, it does not.
Learn your manners. Leave a good tip AND say thank you. But, at the very least, leave a good tip… that is a very good “thank you”. A verbal “thank you” doesn’t mean crap when it’s not accompanied by a tip.
