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A bit about dogs and their owners.

Dogs… what can I say about dogs?   A whole lot.. that’s what.  Way too much for one blog post.

Here’s a couple of the most memorable dog stories I can recall.

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Delivered a pizza to this older lady… her dog runs outside.  She pays me and then goes outside to get her dog….who happens to be close to my car.  I go to get in my car and out of nowhere the dog hops in my car!!  Right on my lap!  It scared the crap out of me. haha.

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I delivered to some guys with a dog whose nose was just RIGHT at my crotch level.. that’s always awkward, but usually the owners grab the dog away the second he starts to go sniffing.  These guys totally let their dog have his nose in my crotch almost the entire time while I was batting him away.   They didn’t seem to notice or mind,  and I kind of didn’t want to draw even MORE unnecessary attention to my crotch by saying “HEY! do you think you could get your dog’s nose out of my crotch area??!”

What’s a girl to do??  Thankfully, it’s never been an issue again. Most of the time dog owners are very considerate of me.  I realized that most dog owners really care about what I think of their dog.  They do NOT want me to think that they have a bad/mean/vicious dog.

Now, I’m  not really a dog person… but I don’t hate them, and I’m definitely not afraid of them.   Sometimes I say hi to the dog and pet it, and other times I hardly even acknowledge the dog is there at all.   Yet, the owners almost always say the same thing.   “Oh, he’s a good dog.. don’t even worry.  He wouldn’t hurt anyone.”    I’m like.. “Okay…. I wasn’t worried.”  (maybe, I should be now, though??)

I guess they just don’t want me going back to my store and telling my boss that we can’t deliver there anymore because I was scared for my life from their vicious man-eating dog.  Either that, or they just honestly care a lot about what a complete stranger thinks of their dog.

Dogs are pretty crazy(sometimes annoying), but I can’t say I’ve ever been scared of one at a delivery before.  One thing that is really great about them is that they make an excellent doorbell.    A lot of the time I don’t even have to knock before the person opens the door.  Thanks doggy doorbell!

Can I have yo’ numba?

 I sometimes get asked for my phone number and I usually laugh it off or just give them the store number (lol).  But, one time this guy I delivered to actually called the store after I had delivered to him, and asked them to leave me HIS number.    My co-worker thought it was hilarious and totally played along with it and was like “Oh, great!  Yeah, she would love your phone number.”   This guy thought I might already have a boyfriend, but thought he would try anyways.    I said to my coworker, “Oh, you didn’t happen to mention anything about my husband and 2 kids??”    Nope, that totally slipped his mind to tell him that.  ha!  Well, at least we all got a good laugh about it.    AND, this dude wasn’t a creeper or anything,  so it made me feel young.   It’s nice to think that he thought was cute, young, and kid-less.

It would be weird if I had to deliver to him again, thank goodness the odds are that I won’t.   But, if I do… I’ll just  flash the wedding ring.    lol.

When you order pizza, please try to know where you live.

Recently (in the last week),  I have delivered to two people who DIDN’T know their address.  Really, truly.

 

First place:

She said her address was something it wasn’t.  She INSISTED it was right.    She is lucky that I found it truly by accident, based upon the description she gave.

I gave her the pizza, and she didn’t tip.   After, I had gone to all that trouble to find a non-existent address!!    So, I was a little rude when I let her know that she didn’t know her real address.  I let her know exactly what her address was.

 

Second place:

These guys were actually really nice, and you could tell that they had JUST moved in…  so, while it was still inconvenient,  I could have more sympathy.

Anyways,  they told me their address was on a road that it actually wasn’t on.  I don’t know how they could think this, when you CLEARLY turn down a road with a different name to get to their house.   But, they told me they had a piece of mail with the other address on it.    Weird.

Things that random people say

It’s funny because people always think they are being clever and unique when they say things to me… but I can almost always guess what they are going to say. Generally, they say one of three things. (which are basically all the same thing)

1) “Hey, is that pizza for me??? ”      NO.

2) “Can I have just one piece of that pizza?”   again, no.  and you are wierd.

3) “Do you have any pizza in there for me?”   No, dumbass.  You didn’t order any. 

 

And these people always think they are being HILARIOUS!!!  I can just see it on their faces, they are trying so hard not to crack up.   And, I have heard it SO many times,  I can’t even pretend to crack a smile anymore.

Hey people,  if you are going to harass the delivery driver… please, try to be original!

 

 

The dreaded feeling when….

I know all drivers know what I’m talking about. You look at an address with decent hope/promise for a tip…driving along your merry way… then you get to the house. BAM! it hits you like a ton of bricks. You have been to this house before. They have NEVER tipped. efffffff!!

This happened to me just the other night… I was all excited to take this delivery because it was in a little more decent neighborhood (relatively)… it was also fairly close to the shop. Then, I pulled up and I realized the awful truth. I would have been better off taking the delivery that was further away in a “worse” neighborhood. (the driver that took that delivery got a $5 tip, surprisingly)

moral of the story: dont judge a delivery by the address (unless you know the address to be non-tippers or good-tippers :)

The Definition of Irony.

Deliver Pizza to a Christmas Charity Gala (very fancy)- get no tip.

WTF!!!

Three bad pick-up lines in one night?

Man, how did I get so lucky?

 

not.

 

Pick up line #1:  “If I followed you home,  would you keep me?”    NO. 

and honestly, who says that?  you sound like a freaking creep.

 

Pick up line #2:  “Hey, you dropped something.”   Me: *looking back* “Oh, I did??”   “Yeah, your smile.”

Ummm… okay.  Whatever the crap that is supposed to mean.  Wipe your goofy grin off your face.

 

Pick up line #3:  “Thanks lil’ mami, does your number come with the box? *wink*”  Me: “NO, definitely not.”  

hey dude, im not your “lil mami”  and why the hell would you try to hit on me when you are  a POS  grown man that had your mom call in and pay for you… also you were rude enough to not tip.  AND then you hit on me?  hahahaha.  ridiculous.

 
Bunch of creepers that night, I tell you what.  At least I got a good laugh out of it.  LOL!

Random Stuff

#1 -  A new business came into town, they have parties for kids and stuff.  They order pizzas from us and they NEVER EVER tip.    All of us delivery drivers pretty much hate them now.  I mean, I know they are trying to run a business and all, but when you are getting 80 slices of pizza,  just raise the price on each slice by a nickel and then pay your delivery driver a few bucks.  Come on!

#2 -  To the smoking prego lady: Sorry that I don’t really feel sorry for your pregnancy ailments, you are smoking in my face.  Nope, I don’t feel sorry for you one bit… I only feel sorry for your baby.

#3 – Thank you to the random dude that gave me a $9 tip tonight, that was awesome!

#4 -  People are so wierd on the phone sometimes.  We get pre-teens calling in prank calls (which I don’t understand why that is funny, you don’t even get any pizza out of it).  And today, there was some kid who was going through some hard core voice changes.  I could hardly understand him, his voice pitch was ALL OVER the place!  I thought maybe he was faking it.

#5 -  Who in their right mind lets their young teenage son (like 14) wear a shirt that says “I like VAGINAS!! Wheeee!”  ??  Really?  I was really wondering if this kid had parents at all.

I delivered to the She-dude again!

This time He/she tipped!  BUTTTTT, he pulled the tip out of his fake cleavage – eww!!  hahaha.  He said he could afford to tip because he was “working” tonight.   OMG!!  *plugs ears* lalalalalalala!!  I DONT WANT TO KNOW!!!

Now, let me tell you something… he was wearing a TIGHT little mini dress in zebra print.  It was too short for comfort.  I was worried I might catch a glimpse of something.  And he was wearing a bra!!! to make it seem like there was something there.. LMAO!!!

I should probably feel bad about this since He/she was being all nice to me and telling me how beautiful my face was….. but, I don’t.   He’s a creeper…. and he only tipped $2.    If a tip is coming out of your fake cleavage, at least make it $5.  Just saying.

First time for everything.

Last night I took a delivery to a man….. that was dressed as a woman.   It’s not that I necessarily have a problem with it, but I mean, if you are going to dress as a different gender… at least do a good job of it.  This dude looked horrible.  He did like a half-assed job of dressing like a woman.  lol!

Jean cut offs, a wierd floral button-up top (probably from the 90′s), and blue painted fingernails.  His body hair and hair on his head were very unkempt.  He did not make for a very good looking woman ( or man).

 

AND to top it all of, he didn’t tip!!

That was a low blow, she-dude, very low indeed.

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